It’s Okay To Be Picky

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It’s Okay To Be Picky

Trends In Somatic Money Coaching

It’s Okay To Be Picky!
The value of your discernment, boundaries and vetting practices
in the spiritually conscious business community.

It’s true. Doing business in the spiritual and consciousness community is more loosey-goosey than regular brick and mortar or traditional businesses. After sixteen years of spiritual path and nearly eleven years as a spiritual coach, with over five of those as a spiritual money coach, I’ve witnessed and experienced the depths of this loosey-goosey business climate.

Don’t get me wrong. Somehow, it works, in its loosely knitted ways. Sure, it’s definitely worked for me, both as a practitioner and as client . . . to a point. That point happened when I had more than one “Come To Jesus Meeting” with myself as a working practitioner about paying my utility bills and rent bills and grocery bills in 2010 and 2011. It also came to a point as a client when I realized I’d grown enough that I required more quality in the practitioners I hired than adventure.

That’s when reality set in and I had to get picky. I had to learn how to discern in the spiritual community. It turns out that discernment, in the spiritual community, regularly falls into the realm of subtle, unspoken taboos. That taboo has something to do with being in the flow of “spiritual correctness” rather than checking in with your own needs. It has something to do with a fear of appearing to have too much ego. It has something to do with guilt and shame about actually asking for your needs to be met, instead of settling. This combination is lethal when it comes to claiming the value of personal discernment.

But I knew I had to do something to find my way through the fog . . .

I had to finally own that it was and is okay to have standards of quality for my personal needs. I learned that it’s okay to vet your potential practitioners and clients. I learned that it’s okay to have boundaries. AND I realized that this standard of quality, practiced with compassionate boundaries, is probably as and more important in the spiritual and consciousness community because of routine loosey-goosey business practices.

That was a pretty profound stand to personally take. It didn’t happen overnight.

For a long time, I couldn’t get over the impending guilt I felt for having to be particular. I apologized and gave qualifiers for my own needs, while being overly judicious with others. I was concerned that I might appear too, well, snooty.

What changed all this? One too many times of paying for damage, not healing, on “well-meaning” practitioner’s tables. And on the other side of the table? More than enough burn-out from carrying the spiritual baggage of my clients to provide them with the catharsis or relief they needed at the cost of my own well being.

I know, I have a serious martyr’s crucifixion complex that I am very aware of transforming. (That’s another story for another day).

You know how I found my freedom from all this? Getting pissed off. With myself. That’s right. I had to own all of it — and somehow, I found that pathway through rounds of righteous rage, righteous indignation, that occasionally included every swear word in the book. You know the kind — like sitting in your car and blowing off steam to no one in-particular except to the Big Guy (or Gal) upstairs. Yeah. That.

That steam-blowing opened the door to giving myself permission to have a standard of quality that fit for me. Discernment. Vetting. Boundaries. I began to have a bit of a secret and sometimes public attitude about not being guilted and shamed back into a box for being “too big for my britches” or fear of “not being spiritually correct enough” or “not being a nice girl.” It eventually spilled over into sarcastic spiritual sass and spiritual irreverence and sometimes, the Spock raised eyebrow accompanied with a smirk and head shake.

That’s when being grounded in my body happened with the knowledge of recognizing my own needs and allowing them to meet with the strength of emotional intelligence for compassionate boundaries.

And you know what happened then? It all contributed to a better stage of clients and better pay. It’s helping me find practitioners who are better suited to help me with my needs. It helped me decrease my debt and negotiate for the purchase of our home. It’s also saved me time, money, hassles, grief and other people’s drama.

It turns out, boundaries and discernment and vetting is not only good for emotional health, it’s good for the wallet.

Trends In Somatic Money Coaching is about the repeated themes I see happen within a month in light of client conversations, money themes and personal experiences. Please leave your comments below.