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The Vulnerable Power Of The Ask

The Vulnerable Power Of The Ask
Our Miraculous Journey Into Home Ownership

For weeks now, my Spirit Team has been asking me to share this very personal story with you. It’s a story about our journey into home ownership.

This request has also coincided with powerful information about “The Art Of The Ask” that has been flowing into my client sessions. It’s no accident that the spiritual request for this story and the flow of information are happening simultaneously.

Our journey into home ownership began simply with the desire to claim our own destiny. My husband, Bob, and I were tired of living under the obligation of others’ whims and it was time for a change. There is no better symbol of claiming your life than by taking ownership of your emotional home — and that manifestation can happen as home ownership.

The short version of the story goes like this:

Our new home on Pitkin Mesa, North Fork, Colorado. (Photo by Bob Stovern).

Four years ago, during the middle of the summer, the landlord we were renting from here on Pitkin Mesa in the North Fork of The Gunnison Valley (Colorado) did us a surprising solid. He offered to sell us the home we were living in through an owner carry option. (Owner carry means that he would sell us the home and carry back the note for a certain period of time. Essentially, he became the bank until we could refinance the note to a traditional bank loan). The house had been on the market for more than a couple of years and he was eager to sell and we were terrified but eager to buy.

The longer version of the story goes like this:

The offer of this home through an owner carry was a miracle. When we left Durango, Colorado, our soul focus was to purchase our first home — this dream was a near impossibility given that we’d been through financial hell after losing our son and after me nearly losing my life. We had done our best to get back on our feet, but as we left Durango and moved to Paonia, Colorado, saying we were going to purchase our own home was exactly like saying we were going to piss into a stiff, cold wind and stay dry and warm.

The truth was that we’d been so physically and emotionally pushed to our limit at our old rental location in Durango, Colorado that I truly felt I could never ever rent from a landlord again. The rental situation at our cabin on the stunning Florida Mesa above the Animas River Valley, in view of the La Plata Mountain Range, had turned into a subtle living nightmare. Our landlords, who lived in a home adjacent ours, had gone a bit nuts over the five years that we’d rented there.

By the time we moved out, I was praying we’d get out in one piece before they did any of the following. Take your pick:

  • Blew something up — The dead cottonwood tree they’d neglected to consciously cut down ended up falling during a high wind storm, landing on the other tenant’s porch next to the propane tank creating a silent leak that could have set off the 50,000 psi British Petroleum pipeline nearby.
  • Broke something — In the last months, they were systematically digging up trenches all over the property for irrigation without warning.
  • Snowed us in — During the final two winters we lived there, they simply refused to help with digging out the eighth of a mile lane from snow saying, “We’ll just wait for it to melt”.
  • Instigated visits from the Sheriff’s Department — They broke their restraining order multiple times with our other neighbor while Bob interceded on several occasions.

The cabin on Florida Mesa, south of Durango, Colorado, overlooking the Animas River Valley. (Photo by Bob Stovern).

Yes, the tension was so great that I physically swore I would never rent again, even though I had no idea how we would buy. Given our situation, we were no dream picture for a bank.

So, when Jim made the offer in Paonia, Colorado to sell us the home we were living in, it was a miracle. Jim decided that we were taking such good care of his property — the best he’d ever seen in tenants — that he thought we’d make great owners. What made this even more magical is that his offer nearly matched, line-item-by-line-item, another owner carry deal we’d tried to secure earlier in our move. It had failed.

That failed deal became the open door to the miracle of claiming our new home. It all began when I became so determined never to rent again that I talked Bob into boldly (or stupidly) shopping for a new home without having any idea how it was going to work.

It was in that space of bold determination coupled with the ridiculousness (or idiocy) of no plan, when the first owner-carry situation landed in our lap. Literally. Through connections, we learned about a half-finished home one of the many mesas in the North Fork. The owner was ready to let go of his beloved space, but the property was not yet on the market.

Through conversations and visits with the property owner, we thought for sure a property deal would work out. The signals from Spirit World were all green lights until the day of offering the deal. That’s the day a fist-sized rock fell from the mountain, hitting the front grill of our car as we traveled over Red Mountain Pass on the way to the North Fork. That’s the day we spotted a coyote (the trickster) in the field adjacent our sleep accommodations. And right before the meeting, a deadly Black Widow spider crawled out of a chair. Those were all red light omens after having one green light after another.

Despite the signals, we had to follow through. I remember sitting with Paul, the owner, and Bob and Paul’s wife in the cold room of the kitchen basement with a shaft of spring afternoon light beaming through the window onto the wood surface of the kitchen table. When the conversation turned to the deal, I sketched the outline of what I thought would work on a yellow notepad, making the offer and pushing it across the table.

I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. Little did Bob and I know, in those moments, we were in the sacred and powerful space of the vulnerability of the ask. It’s the place where there is great power, poignancy, and yet a space of being completely unshielded in your vulnerability. All you can do is just breathe and be.

During that quiet, pin-drop-of-a-time in the kitchen, as I sketched the deal and then Paul read my writing, I felt the presence of several Ascended Masters and Arch Angels materialize in light around me and around the table. Their presence and power was so palpable I felt one of them holding me with his hand on my shoulder. I heard another of them say to me, “Just write it out and hold presence with it. That’s all you have to do.” Once I pushed the notepad to Paul, I heard the last phrase, “It is done now.”

And I thought that meant we’d worked out the deal.

That was not the case. During the meeting, Paul said that he would take some time in consideration. Later, he let us know that he could not accept our offer. That evening, I felt like I was tumbling off the side of a cliff. We’d already given notice in Durango and now we had no space to move to in Paonia.

But you know that thing about some of God’s greatest gifts being unanswered prayers?

When the deal fell through, Bob and I scrambled to find a new place to live in the North Fork. We were able to secure another month of extension on our old space and then we never worked so hard to find a new place to live. Week after week we made volleying drives from Durango to Paonia, Colorado, a four to five-hour trip, trying to locate our new home. I was demoralized that we were going to have to rent again and the pickings were slim.

We reached the point of no return. Our time in Durango was running out, money for hotel stays was running out — we’d scoured the valley and we still hadn’t found anything in Paonia. On a poignant spring evening during our search, we were camping by the edge of the Gunnison River at Pleasure Park east of Paonia and Hotchkiss, Colorado. That night, I visited the women’s shower room to wash. I was by myself, right before my shower, after a long day of searching, feeling homeless when my deceased Grandmother Newby materialized beside me. I felt her maternal energy encouraging me that everything was going to be okay, even if it didn’t feel that way. She encouraged me that my real estate offer was not folly. (I’d been beating up on myself for being an idiot). I felt her let me know that our family had lived through much worse during the Depression. I felt her let me know that I would always have a roof over my head. Her presence and message delivered the waves of tears and crying that I needed. That night, I padded back to the tent and Bob, freshly showered, lighter and hopeful.

Mountain view from the living room of our new home. (Photo by Bob Stovern).

It wasn’t long after that, somehow, we allowed ourselves to fall into renting a home on a month-to-month lease. The rub was that the home was on the market for sale and could sell out from under us at any moment. The home was also trashed from the previous tenants. And the home was three times the size we were looking for. All of these were things we thought we didn’t want.

In other words, the place was a big fat “NO”, but we were two weeks out from the move and we had to take it. I told a friend in Fort Collins, “OMG, we just signed papers on renting a home that I can’t remember the interior because it was so trashed. What are we doing?!” That’s when we tilted into the whirlwind of a life change that we could not have anticipated.

Yes, we moved our lives across the state to this mystery property. The 4,000 square foot space came with two and a half acres of yard, an elk fence and gate with water rights and a phenomenal view of mountains including the fantabulous Mount Gunnison. The landlord helped us with the initial cleanup that we continued. Gradually, we realized that every single wish on our list for a dream property, this property and home had for us. We gradually realized the sweetness of the water. The amazing view. The resources of the space. The garage and workspaces. The energy of the yard. Bee space. A private orchard. A lovely neighborhood with great neighbors and fields and organic orchards. We realized the Universe was answering our vulnerable ask and wish list with this property.

The only question was, “Were we paying attention?”

Just about that time, Jim called and offered us the property with the owner carry. The miracle, it turns out, was that Jim’s offer was just about the same deal I’d written on that yellow notepad not four months prior. It was as if the Universe was saying to me, “Dana and Bob, same deal, but not that property, take this one.”

We closed on our new home with minimal negotiations about two months later. We became homeowners of a property and home that seemed beyond our wildest imaginations. I still wonder how this has all worked, and how we’re still doing it, but we are — growing and expanding to hold space with this phenomenal space. This is not a home we would have chosen for ourselves — but the Universe chose for us. It dreamed us up much larger than we realized we could. And we are so lucky — every single day.

As a post script to this story, what is truly amazing is that a year, nearly to date in the spring, following the attempt at our first owner carry home deal, we heard that the first property owner sold his property . . . for pretty much the same deal that I’d written on the notepad in the first place.

That’s when I understood that writing out the first vulnerable offer and holding space with it was the most powerful and valuable thing Bob and I could have done for ourselves and Paul and his wife. We were breaking through to the Universe with two potential property deals, not one, with an authentic power of a vulnerable ask — and the Universe answered to all of us.


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The Risks Of Spiritually Bypassing Racism

The Risks Of Spiritually Bypassing Racism
Commentary From The Events Of Charlottesville, Virginia

Image by www.anonymousartofrevolution.com.

Something happened last week that I never ever anticipated. One of my hidden spiritual pet peeves collided with the issues of racism and hit a large nerve inside of me. I felt it all the way through my body.

What is my biggest spiritual pet peeve? When spiritual axioms or spiritual insights or spiritual tools are used with very little emotional responsibility. Spirituality without emotional responsibility is what is called spiritual bypassing. This is spirituality without legs or leverage. Spirituality without emotional responsibility creates avoidance and a sense of covering up or covering for.

This dynamic, I believe, is one of the biggest pitfalls in the spiritual community. Unfortunately, it’s rarely questioned because it falls into the category of “everyone is at their own level of awareness” and “we all get to chose how we want to travel our spiritual path.” It’s a live-and-let-live situation. It’s an in-time-and-on-time space. It’s an allowing that we all come to our own truths when we need to, when we’re ready . . .

. . . I’ve felt like I’ve largely needed to honor this belief system and practice . . . until last week.

Last week, I noticed several spiritual memes posted to FaceBook by spiritual men and women I know that had little to no emotional responsibility as answers to racism. Sure, they were well-meaning posts, but when I read these memes and I experienced a full body lightening trigger, I knew something was wrong. Normally, I would deal with this as my own issue — which it is. I also believe it’s an awareness issue in the greater spiritual community that needs to be voiced in light of how we need to be even more emotionally responsible working with our spirituality relating to concerns about racism.

A Recent Example Of Spiritual Bypassing
If you are white, and you believe you are spiritual, it is NOT a good idea to post a spiritual meme stating “No white person alive today ever owned a slave. No black person alive today was ever a slave. We can’t move forward if people want to keep living in the past.”

I cannot begin to tell you the rage I felt about this post. As I’ve sorted through my emotions about it, I’ve come to realize that this is a blanket spiritual statement (cover) without taking emotional responsibility for a very complex issue our country is experiencing.

In other words, posts and belief systems like this do not help. Why? Let’s break it down.

This meme and those like it ignore the 300 years that created the physical and emotional violence of cultural oppression that so many African Americans live with in the United States today. It has an unspoken message of “just get over it.” It also has an unspoken message of “shut up and don’t say anything.” It ignores the fact that we have not found our voice to understand and heal this gaping wound of racism and it’s resultant cultural oppression. It ignores that our country has completely avoided the restorative emotional and justice processes that Germany has already provided for their Jewish citizens in light of World War II and Naziism and South Africa has been in the process of providing for their citizens concerning the devastation of Apartheid. Where is our restorative emotional and justice process for slavery, segregation and the terror that White Supremacy and the KKK have created? It ignores generations of African Americans who are living with the information of slavery and cultural oppression in their DNA and light field (the seven generations cellular code issue). It ignores the remaining belief that White Supremacy is okay – which is it not.

In other words, the entire thing hit my trigger of rage about “not taking emotional responsibility with your spirituality.”

And the other meme that sent me over the edge?

“For racism to go away, we just need to stop talking about it.”

NO. Absolutely not. The conversation is JUST BEGINNING. The embrace of the story for the healing is just beginning (please reference Brene Brown’s recent social media post about embracing the story directly in relationship with the events in Charlottesville, Virginia). We need this dialogue to continue to heal the deep wound. Our country needs emotional restitution so that the physical restitution and healing can follow.

How Irresponsible Spirituality Affects Racism
When I came down off my adrenaline rage and began sorting through the finer points of a very complex race issue mixed with complex spirituality, it came to this: Spirituality, yes, truly, is amazing. I wouldn’t be here talking with you if it wasn’t. But through this experience, I am learning that spirituality without the legs of emotional responsibility and cultural awareness is just as emotionally violent as no spirituality at all.

Spirituality ignorantly applied to racial issues does the opposite of healing racial violence and ignorance. Spirituality without emotional responsibility white-washes racism back into an avoided, silent, wounded, un-embraced corner of our country. And that is NOT okay.

So, it brings up the question of how best to use tools within spirituality to help with this complex ocean of a cultural issue. That’s what I had to sit with for awhile after I calmed down. I had to ask the question, what would I do?

Dialing In On Spiritually Responsible Tools In Light Of Racism:
And I realized it comes back to the basics. Here are some ideas about how we might be able to apply healthy constructive spiritual tools to racial issues on an individual basis within community:

1. Powerful and constructive spiritual tools are about being present, in your center, breathing and listening, to yourself and to others. This is the foundation to begin to practice Non-Violent Communication. Non-Violent communication is the groundbreaking work of Marshall Rosenberg.

2. Powerful and constructive spiritual tools are about being aware enough and curious enough to ask compelling questions instead of giving blanket spiritual statements. It’s about saying, “This is uncomfortable, but I want to learn more.” (Example: Some of Anthony Robbins initial work was about asking smart questions. We need to learn to ask smart questions about race in our country on our individual level to guide our journey).

3. Powerful and constructive spiritual tools are about identifying where and how YOU feel vulnerable about racism inside of your own body and psyche and admitting this to yourself. Being as specific as possible is powerful. And let me clarify — this is NOT about making your pain more important than those who are persecuted. This is about you getting real and being present about your authentic vulnerability in relationship with your own racial experiences both from places of privilege AND victimization.

For example: My current uncomfortable vulnerability about race is that I live in an isolated and insulated community — largely white, Republican, Trump country, with little racial diversity AND a footprint of a liberal, conscious, spiritual, organic community members. Yet, I see a complex ocean of race happening in the world around me where I want to make a difference. I know that part of my vulnerable power is here in the North Fork by holding higher vibrational consciousness questioning with voice and presence the bigotry that I see. Asking for more diverse viewpoints here at home.

I also want to make a difference in the larger world and I feel ignorant about this. So, to begin my own excavation, I am diving into the pool of learning about the destructive impacts of white privilege, learning about white shame and white fragility. These are uncomfortable areas to pull the blinders off, but necessary to be a part of the change we want to see in the world.

4. Powerful and constructive spiritual tools continued:  From the space of taking ownership of your authentic vulnerability in #3, this is where you can begin to see what might grow from this space for compelling and constructive voice and action.

For example, I’m beginning to see how my white privilege has insulated me from the real issues into a place of white ignorance. If I stay grounded with this uncomfortable space and take vulnerable ownership, than I have a direct line on my own healing, conscious racial education and constructive action. That constructive action is beginning to take form using the tools and resources I already have in hand:

  • Potentially providing interviews on topics of spirituality, money and race and where the three intersect. If you are interested in this idea and have suggestions about specific topics and interviewees, please contact me.
  • Providing continued educational resources to my largely white, female, spiritual audience for dialoguing about race. Encouraging conscious, compelling exploration.
  • Being a voice and presence in the spiritual community in compassionately requesting that our all-white spiritual events consciously open their doors to creating a more supportively diverse atmosphere and participation. (Please see Layla Saad’s article below).

Our best spiritual job is NOT to make blanket spiritual statements that insulate and divide. No. Our job is to be present and ask and listen, no matter how awkward, no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how much we feel insecure and don’t understand or don’t know what to do. We might feel that we aren’t very good at our own consciousness about racial issues, but that is no excuse for sticking our heads in the sand in the comfort of security. Our job is to witness and acknowledge. To hold that space. To speak up when appropriate. Take action when appropriate. That’s spirituality in action. That’s at least a beginning.

Several Compelling Resources:

Layla Saad’s “I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy”:
http://www.wildmysticwoman.com/poetry-prose/white-women-white-supremacy-1

NPR’s Code Switch – Case appropriate examples of the complexity of racial dialogue:
http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/08/20/544483288/how-to-talk-race-with-your-family-ask-code-switch

Syllabus For White People To Educate Themselves:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1By9bUjJ78snEeZuLXNGBdlVMJgEQWMEjR-Gfx8ER7Iw/mobilebasic#heading=h.bi12zdslqy3z

Michael Eric Dyson’s
“Tears We Cannot Stop”

IMDB Movie and Netflix Series:
“Dear White People”

Google: “Racial Dialogue” and learn from what you read.

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From A Banning To A Breakthrough

From A Banning To A Breakthrough
How Getting Banned From A Local Chamber Business Conference
Transformed Into A Breakthrough

Dana - Evolve - May 2017

Dana Stovern, Money Medium – Vending Booth At Evolve Expo, May 2017

Setting The Stage:
At the beginning of July I received a phone call from the director of the local chamber of commerce over the mountain from me. She was calling to tell me that my business, The Magic Of Somatic Money, was being banned from the annual September business conference.

I was so shocked by the news that I could hardly speak. It sounded so ridiculous. My mind raced through how this could have happened . . .

I signed up for membership in January 2017 with one of the distinct reasons for membership being to attend the business conference as a vendor. I did not make this a secret to the director — speaking to her about it at least three to four times over the course of months. So, the news that I was being banned was a surprise.

As I learned the details, the fallout looked like this: The elders at the church where the venue was being held were banning me because quote, “You and your business are psychic and we don’t allow psychics.” The chamber was falling into step with this decision allowing the church elders to determine chamber membership policy.

I hung up the phone from the conversation with my head spinning and my heart hurting, and half in agreement with the director to accept an olive branch of an alternate marketing offer that the chamber was giving me. Yet, even in the shock of the moment, my stomach felt sick from doing so. The director seemed to think that this decision was “okay” given that I have an alternative business and treating alternative businesses like this is acceptable.

Steaming In The Brew
Against my better judgement of writing in the heat of the moment, I threw out a lifeline on Facebook about the situation asking for help and clarity in the middle of the chaotic numbness I felt. For twenty-four hours I watched comments flow, tracked what my body was telling me, and emailed the director once with a set of rational questions for clarity.

Through the triggered muck of the situation, the clarity that rose in me was this:

  • I could not accept the olive branch. It was a sellout that made me feel sick to my stomach.
  • I also knew I could not go quietly. This was an example of the subtle and systematic discrimination that non-traditional businesses ritually experience.
  • It was time for me to create my own set of asks. Several FaceBook suggestions stood out clearly.

Making A Stand
After taking 24 hours from the time the director called me, I decided to reject being pacified and raise my objections. In other words, I decided not to be spiritual PC and roll over and take it, and instead, grow a backbone and speak up.

I wrote to the director explaining that they, the chamber, were allowing another member, the church, to set chamber membership policy when the chamber needed to be backing my membership in the first place. I quoted their very own chamber by-laws to them saying that they were to uphold “holding events for membership in non-sectarian and bi-partisan ways.” This situation with the church was NOT an example of their by-laws.

In light of this, my asks were two-fold. One, I asked that they change future venues so that ALL MEMBERS could participate. I asked for a refund on my membership since The Magic Of Somatic Money was be being banned from an event that I had a right to attend.

Getting Passed Up The Line
The director promptly passed me and my message to a chamber board member who, over-the-phone, tried to smooth over my heated words of “discrimination” and a few too many cuss words on my part. When the conversation came out in the wash, there was agreement that something was wrong and something needed to be voiced, especially since other non-traditional businesses had also been banned from this event in previous years. I was just the first one to call foul. So, my complaint was taken to the chamber board and discussed — very heatedly.

Transformational Leverage
The result? In short, initially, a new venue was set up for the 2018 business conference AND upon a re-request (with some leverage) to allow the presence of me and my business at this year’s venue, the elders decided it would be alright for me and The Magic Of Somatic Money to be there.

I experienced my “wow” moment, realizing what a redemption this was — and all from using my voice. What an opportunity for integrated healing.

So, I’m in. I’m sponsoring a Magic Of Somatic Money table at this year’s local chamber business conference — excited to launch my first wave of business-to-business services, especially in the form of lunch and learns for organizations and businesses and somatic money classes for employees.

Thoughts From The Rear View Mirror
More than anything, this situation brought to light for me a very curious thing that happens for spiritual entrepreneurs: so many of us run our businesses in the subtle shadow of being banished, shamed, criticized, ostracized and made fun of. Running a business is hard enough, but doing it with this element makes it that much more difficult, especially when you’re one of the more sensitive in the continuum of the population.

I cannot tell you the times I’ve been name-called and shunned and ostracized from the viable places and people and situations where I totally had a right to do business; where I could totally provide help and illumination and insight. And I almost fell down that dark hole again . . .

In the middle of this quagmire, I seriously questioned saying anything. The shadow world of doubt and fear crept in like a well-known cousin asking if me and my business were valid in the first place. I felt small. Then, the code in our spiritual community of “not making waves” and “turning another cheek” and “live and let live” and “don’t take it personally” all knocked on the door, encouraging me to keep quiet.

None of these fit. The fear, doubt and the sick feeling in my stomach gave way to a wave of anger that eventually settled into balanced power in my belly letting me know that I had a right to say something. I had a right to speak up.

For some reason, a group of people that I don’t even know on the board of directors, were in enough alignment of the idea that a ban was not a positive way to go for their community, they chose to back me in my voice for change.

Living through this experience, let me know that taking the risk to speak up was worth it in light of hope for the possibility of transformational change in the world.


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Freak Flags At Luncheons

Freak Flags At A Traditional Women’s Business Luncheon

Dstovern, JunctionLast Tuesday, I was on tap to give a presentation at the MCWN in Grand Junction, Colorado. That’s the Mesa County Women’s Network luncheon for those of you non-Colorado Western Slopers. As far as luncheons go, it was a pretty big deal because Grand Junction is the largest city on this side of the state and the gathering easily numbered sixty women at the local country club.

Yup. To land this one was pretty wonderful. It took me two years of pestering their board until they finally decided that The Magic Of Somatic Money was a good idea for their ladies. When they said, “Yes!” I was so honored to be able to speak there.

Here’s the deal. The wild card. Something shifted in me the morning I woke to drive the ninety minutes from our green valley across the Georgie O’Keefe-like rugged western Mesa-filled landscape. I’m not sure if it was the light ships in the air, filling me with Beam-Me-Up-Scotty light works on the ground, or if it was the powerful astrology that day, or if I was just feeling my oats. Whatever it was, by the time I arrived and had a few lovely networking conversations with several really wonderful women, I knew I was going to do something I’d never ever dared do before.

I knew I was going to fully fly my freak flag for the first time at a traditional, buttoned-down, business women’s networking event in a fairly conservative town.

I knew I was going to cross the line and go full public woo-woo.

Now, mind you, up to this point, I’ve been very aware and very careful about how I present to my audiences. If I’m in front of a business-oriented audience, I tend to lean heavy on the somatics and money and business and very light on the spiritual. I’m conservative about what I share — for my own personal emotional safety AND honoring that I don’t want to tread on other’s belief systems. Then, if I’m in front of a spiritual audience, the filter comes off and we have a spiritual hoe-down with magic and money and somatics that is just so much fun!

For MCWN, I was fully prepared to strap that filter on and keep my woo-woo under wraps. Evidently, the Universe had something else in mind that day.

By the time we’d moved through lunch and sponsors and announcements and the Full Monte of the checklist, I was teeming to spill The Magic Of Somatic Money goods in a hang-ten, let’s-dial-the-Syliva-Brown-psychics, kind of way. Woohoo!

Right? I know. Can you see this one coming? Total Spirit World set up.

Well, I began with my usual traditional opening, and then careened into a segue warning that we were going full woo-woo. The next thing I knew I was full-channel streaming, telling them all about bottom-of-the-barrel-of-life-moments and then healings and light works and Jesus and Spirit Money Guides and Ascended Masters and Divine Light Beings from the heavens who show up and talk with me about spiritual money practices and techniques that work. I took them on a wild ride and then, after those spiritual back flips, landed a perfect ten — squarely on the practical spiritual money practices they return and use at the office.

I did not hold one thing back.

The entire time, the back of my head was yelling, “What are we doing?! This is crazy! They are going to put us in a straight jacket and haul us away! And if they don’t, that lightening bolt from God is going to come through the ceiling and strike us down, you sinner!” Old voices haunted me.

But my authentic self had the reins and wasn’t giving them back. Not one bit.

And you know what the miracle was? In those moments, when I did not know what was going to happen, and I could see on the faces of the ladies I was speaking with that they did not know what was going to happen — something miraculous happened. They tipped forward. They leaned in. These lovely ladies willingly came along with me for the ride. They did. They totally did. I saw tears and we laughed and heads shook and then nodded and people took notes and soaked it all up. They loved that we rocked the mix of the Suze Orman and Teresa Caputo money medium party in that business luncheon room that day.

Sure, there were some unwilling participants. I saw several direct open eye-rolls in business suits. I saw some backs turn. I saw some of my papers crumple between hands. I felt the hard edge of the “This is not okay with God” energy.

Yet, the majority of the room courageously and willingly held vulnerable space with me in those precious moments. And that is something I will always be incredibly grateful for because they all gave me a really big gift.

They taught me about the message that Marianne Williamson so brilliantly illuminates. The one about how we fear our greatness and great light more than our darkness. And how it is not our job to take care of other’s emotions, keeping people comfortable by keeping ourselves small.

I understood as I delivered the presentation that is was NOT my job to keep things emotionally comfortable for the few. It was my job to courageously and vulnerably hold the new, unknown space that could stretch us and grow us and make such wonderful new things possible for all of us.

We made that happen last Tuesday at MCWN. We did a Jupiter soul stretch in a country club luncheon room in the middle of Colorado’s Western Slope mesa country. And it was good.


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It’s Okay To Be Picky

Trends In Somatic Money Coaching

It’s Okay To Be Picky!
The value of your discernment, boundaries and vetting practices
in the spiritually conscious business community.

It’s true. Doing business in the spiritual and consciousness community is more loosey-goosey than regular brick and mortar or traditional businesses. After sixteen years of spiritual path and nearly eleven years as a spiritual coach, with over five of those as a spiritual money coach, I’ve witnessed and experienced the depths of this loosey-goosey business climate.

Don’t get me wrong. Somehow, it works, in its loosely knitted ways. Sure, it’s definitely worked for me, both as a practitioner and as client . . . to a point. That point happened when I had more than one “Come To Jesus Meeting” with myself as a working practitioner about paying my utility bills and rent bills and grocery bills in 2010 and 2011. It also came to a point as a client when I realized I’d grown enough that I required more quality in the practitioners I hired than adventure.

That’s when reality set in and I had to get picky. I had to learn how to discern in the spiritual community. It turns out that discernment, in the spiritual community, regularly falls into the realm of subtle, unspoken taboos. That taboo has something to do with being in the flow of “spiritual correctness” rather than checking in with your own needs. It has something to do with a fear of appearing to have too much ego. It has something to do with guilt and shame about actually asking for your needs to be met, instead of settling. This combination is lethal when it comes to claiming the value of personal discernment.

But I knew I had to do something to find my way through the fog . . .

I had to finally own that it was and is okay to have standards of quality for my personal needs. I learned that it’s okay to vet your potential practitioners and clients. I learned that it’s okay to have boundaries. AND I realized that this standard of quality, practiced with compassionate boundaries, is probably as and more important in the spiritual and consciousness community because of routine loosey-goosey business practices.

That was a pretty profound stand to personally take. It didn’t happen overnight.

For a long time, I couldn’t get over the impending guilt I felt for having to be particular. I apologized and gave qualifiers for my own needs, while being overly judicious with others. I was concerned that I might appear too, well, snooty.

What changed all this? One too many times of paying for damage, not healing, on “well-meaning” practitioner’s tables. And on the other side of the table? More than enough burn-out from carrying the spiritual baggage of my clients to provide them with the catharsis or relief they needed at the cost of my own well being.

I know, I have a serious martyr’s crucifixion complex that I am very aware of transforming. (That’s another story for another day).

You know how I found my freedom from all this? Getting pissed off. With myself. That’s right. I had to own all of it — and somehow, I found that pathway through rounds of righteous rage, righteous indignation, that occasionally included every swear word in the book. You know the kind — like sitting in your car and blowing off steam to no one in-particular except to the Big Guy (or Gal) upstairs. Yeah. That.

That steam-blowing opened the door to giving myself permission to have a standard of quality that fit for me. Discernment. Vetting. Boundaries. I began to have a bit of a secret and sometimes public attitude about not being guilted and shamed back into a box for being “too big for my britches” or fear of “not being spiritually correct enough” or “not being a nice girl.” It eventually spilled over into sarcastic spiritual sass and spiritual irreverence and sometimes, the Spock raised eyebrow accompanied with a smirk and head shake.

That’s when being grounded in my body happened with the knowledge of recognizing my own needs and allowing them to meet with the strength of emotional intelligence for compassionate boundaries.

And you know what happened then? It all contributed to a better stage of clients and better pay. It’s helping me find practitioners who are better suited to help me with my needs. It helped me decrease my debt and negotiate for the purchase of our home. It’s also saved me time, money, hassles, grief and other people’s drama.

It turns out, boundaries and discernment and vetting is not only good for emotional health, it’s good for the wallet.

Trends In Somatic Money Coaching is about the repeated themes I see happen within a month in light of client conversations, money themes and personal experiences. Please leave your comments below.


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Your Empowered Negotiation

A Money Magic Moment

LADIES!
About Your Empowered Negotiations

 

Recently, I’ve experienced a series of sessions with female clients that bring to light a collective message about negotiation. This message is for all of us regarding empowering women and especially empowering women in the workplace, in business.

To set the stage, the theme of the message is about negotiating for better pay, better benefits and better working conditions. The message shows up when I’m looking through the energy viewfinder into the light-field of a client’s life with the intent of helping them create this for themselves.

And do you know what I’m finding?

I’m finding that as a cultural collective, ladies, few of us have a collective memory of empowered negotiation in the workplace or in business. How does this work?

It looks like this – let’s look at the physical and energy facts.

  • It was only two to three generations ago that women were still considered the property of men – and the property that belonged to women was considered the property of men. Even money. When she was alive, my grandmother occasionally told me stories about her memories of seeing women treated as property – her mother included. My grandmother was born in 1907 and came of age in the 1920’s. Women had few negotiating rights. Yes, that profoundly changed with the Suffragette Movement, Rosie the Riveter, the Civil Rights and Women’s Rights Movement and more.
  • We also know spiritually, that energetically, our light-field bodies house the vibrational gene pool of the past seven generations of our families. (And our lives affect those seven generations forward in our familial line.) So, ladies, energetically, we are vibrating only two to three generations out, in a seven generation time-line, from that old collective memory of having little to no negotiating rights for our own property, our working rights, our voting rights and who we are.
  • And scientifically, we are also learning that the genes, the DNA in our bodies holds information from our relatives, our family line. So that means we physically carry this coding, in our bodies, about how empowered, or not, that we are in light of our negotiating power in business and in the workplace.

Now that I’ve laid out some of the landscape, let me show you the energy evidence I’m finding.

When I look down that rabbit-hole of the quantum light energy field with clients into negotiating for better pay, benefits and working conditions, the energy of negotiation is frequently BLANK. As in, the vibrational energy of thought of concept of idea to negotiate on one’s behalf for personal rights in better pay, benefits and working conditions – the presence of it isn’t even there.

Sometimes, when I ask women about the thought of negotiating for better pay, benefits and working conditions the response is . . . “I can do that? I have the right to negotiate?” It’s asked first from a place of potential and then from a place of personal right.

Other responses are, “I don’t believe or feel that I have a right to even ask to negotiate.”

And the show-stopper is, “I’m afraid if I negotiate, I’ll lose what I already have.”

All of these are anchored in the recent collective generational memory of our heritage. Imagine a woman with no civil rights from the 1890’s. First, she doesn’t even think she has a right to negotiate. Then, if she does have the right, there’s a concern of the guilt or shame of negotiating being allowed. Lastly, there is the taboo fear of losing what she already has if she steps up to the negotiation plate. Does any of this sound familiar?

Much of this is energetically and emotionally alive today in 2016!

Those are three pretty big blocks relating to personal negotiation:

  1. Is negotiation possible? Is it even a potential?
  2. If it is a potential, do I have the right to negotiate?
  3. If I negotiate, will I lose what I already have?

These are significant concerns, especially if they are embedded in the familial lineage, in the energy field, in the body – because it makes access to negotiation seem distant or not even a reality.

And what I want you to know is that negotiation is one of our soverign birthrights and that it’s time to shatter this old restrictive paradigm and transform it to something much more empowered for all of us.

As a supportive statistical side-note, I think you’ll find Sheryl Sandberg’s TED Talk about women at the top very interesting. Sandberg is the COO of Facebook who wrote about the phenomenon of women dropping out at the top. She has found that 57% of men in corporate America automatically believe and actively seek negotiation in their business deals and employment. Only 7% of women actively negotiate. That is a significant statistical difference, and it points to the energy evidence I’ve been witnessing in my work with clients.

Upon further research, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in “Ask For It” reconfirm Sandberg’s numbers quoting that four times as many men negotiate for an increase in pay at the time of a job offer than women do.

Even though, as women, we won the right to vote several generations ago, and we’ve become so much more socio-economically empowered, there is still a predominate emotional pattern, and subconscious thought pattern that negotiating for the rights of our better pay, benefits and working conditions is an anomaly, not the norm.

Ladies, we are living in the blank spot, the gap, of having rights, but only passively allowing the sovereign birthright of our negotiating power to silently float right by us.

So, the message that I want to get in front of you with today and I want you to hear it loud and clear is:

“Own your sovereign birthright to negotiate on your behalf for the betterment of your life, your work and your pay.” 

That means you have a right to sit at the negotiating table. You have a right to speak up. You have a right to ask. Without excuse or apology, it is your right to know your truth, know who you are and voice your negotiating terms: your value and benefit in light of the service you offer to provide solution for others.

When it comes to negotiating for better pay, benefits and working conditions, there are three basic terms you need to be clear about:

  1. What is the job at hand and what is required to complete that job.
  2. What are the skills, experience, gifts, tools that you bring to deliver the completion of that work. (Your value).
  3. What do you need supportively to do this job to the best of your ability (this is pay, benefits, working conditions, resources).

Is learning how to negotiate easy? At first, it’s not particularly easy, especially if you do not have a collective familial lineage to draw upon.

For many of the women I work with, when we arrive at the potential of them negotiating on their own behalf, the lack of having the familial lineage memory of a right to negotiate is emotionally crippling. (Yes, I’ve experienced it too). And in some cases, the familial lineage discourages empowered negotiation.

Yet, all of this is totally possible to overcome: To learn new negotiating skills; To create experience to build upon for yourself and for the future generations of women in your family.

What are the answers here?

We are the answer. Ladies, if your familial lineage lacks a memory of negotiating on behalf of yourself for the betterment of your life . . . well, then, it’s up to you to begin to build that familial lineage memory. This is what Ascension is all about – the upward mobility of positive, creative, constructive, empowered action on behalf of our generational familial lineage – even if our families don’t like or understand it.

We are the answer, just like our grandmothers were who went to bat for our right to vote. Just like the generation of the 60’s who peaced-out, protested, burned bras, fought their way into the work place and fought for the Civil Liberties we have today. Gloria Steinem’s generation gave us a helluva seat at the table to negotatiate. Isn’t it time we used it to negotiate for the betterment of our lives?

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Here are three great somatic money tools you may begin to use now
as a foundation in support for your negotiation actions:

Click Here: THREE FREE SOMATIC MONEY CLASSES

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Be sure to leave your Money Magic Moments and comments below.

Dana Stovern, money medium, helps business-oriented intuitives
solve money issues from the inside out.

She can be reached at dana@somaticmoney.com

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Making Money Real

A Money Magic Moment

Making Money Real
#1 Somatic Money Step — The Slow Money Movement

 

When Money Isn’t Real
More than once I’ve heard my clients and consultees say to me — sometimes in frustrated tones, sometimes in fearful tones — “Money isn’t real to me.”

Given that our money is becoming more and more ephemeral in our digitally driven economy, those questioning the “realness” of money have a good point. With the flick of a wrist, we sling plastic cards through digital machines that move our money with the ease of air. The majority of employers and contractees, silently drop magical amounts of money into their employees and contractors bank accounts, making the days of picking up a pay check, endorsing it on the back, filling out a deposit slip and driving it to the bank more anomaly than the norm. It’s no wonder that we are experiencing difficulty in sensing a connection with our money, making that money real.

The distinction between money as a physical object (the masculine) and money as a vibrational concept (the feminine) is becoming more and more pronounced. We used to physically relate with money, more in terms of the valuation of it on paper, in cash and coins — creating a closer connection with money. Now we’re relating to our money in terms of credit cards and numbers glimmering on a digital screen, widening that connection gap. It’s no wonder we are experiencing less and less physical connection with money and more and more interaction with money as an idea, a vibration, a concept. The chasm of connection has widened.

What to do? What do we do to create the connection between the concept of our money and the reality of our money?

What do I tell my people when they are frustrated with “the realness” of money? I visit with them about how fast they eat.

What the heck does the pace of how fast you eat your food have in common with your money?

A lot, it turns out.

What Do Money And Food Have In Common?
Money and food closely relate. Money relationship sits in the second chakra of sex, partnership, creation, money and reflection. It’s the water chakra. Food relationship sits just above in the third chakra, the sun center of our personal power. It’s not an accident that great food, money and sex intermingle naturally. It’s also not an accident that “being broke” and “being hungry/starved” are also closely related.

More than once I’ve heard my clients refer to money in food descriptors. “Money is a feast and famine relationship for me.” Or “How delicious it is to have ample or voluptuous money.” Or “How nauseous they felt in relationship to a sour money deal.” The deal turning their stomach like bad food.

Noticing how you describe your money in food terms will tell you a great deal about how you are relating with your money, especially in light of your personal power (solar plexus). This is a key space for revelation — not to mention making money more real.

Lately, in light of this, I’ve noticed myself coining a popular food phrase that I would love for you to try out. You’ve heard of the Slow Food Movement? This is a healthy food movement designed to slow people down and relate with their food again. You know. Cook meals. In kitchens. Grow vegetables. In gardens. Cook a meal in a slow cooker. Sit down at tables together and . . . talk.

We’ve grown accustomed to texting and photographing and socially posting a fast food, easily accessible food environment, where the dreams of our food fantasies are conjured rapidly for us. And devoured as rapidly. The Slow Food Movement is about slowing down and savoring our food in a healthy way. Tasting our food. Digesting our food. Communing with food. Relating with food.

Guess what? The same is apparent to me about money and money relationship. If there is one message that Spirit World has repeatedly shared with me to communicate to clients, it’s this: “SLOW DOWN WITH YOUR MONEY.”

Doesn’t it make sense that if you want to “get real” with your money and “make money real” that a certain sense of “slowing down with money” and “experiencing those money transactions more fully through your body” is key?

It’s what I’m beginning to refer to as the Slow Money Movement. And currently there are about twenty members in this movement. Yep. It’s ready to take off like wildfire.

How does the Slow Money Movement work?
It works something like this:

Please STOP
and BREATHE
and CALM DOWN/FEEL YOURSELF in your body
and then recollect your last money transaction.

Can you do that? Can you remember it? Sometimes, when I ask clients and consultees, they can’t remember their last money transaction.

That’s how fast we are moving. We are moving so fast and mindlessly with our money that we are not paying attention to when and and where and what we’re doing with it. AND we’re not remembering.

And you wonder why there are so many money problems?

Like I said. Slow. Money. Movement.

There is something radically amazing about s-l-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n with your money and money relationship. You know what it is?

When you slow down with your money, you are in a space to better notice the nuances of how your body is experiencing your money transactions . . . you begin to SAVOR your money relationship, your money choices. You begin to notice the nuances of what is truly and authentically occurring in your body during money moments . . .

And this is richly fabulous because it gives you so much data about how you’re relating with your money, even if your brain doesn’t know it. I’m learning, in somatic money practices, that the brain frequently lies about money, but your heart, your stomach, your second chakra, your root never lie about how you relate with money.

Given that our culture usually analyzes and thinks about money in the brain, while moving fast, while dis-embodied — those money thoughts and decisions are not taking into account the full nature of our body, our being.

While your brain is busy telling you how to steer your ship one direction, the steering column breaks off and your ship (body) drifts in another direction. It’s mis-aligned money-body relationship. This is why money does not feel real for so many people.

How do you align it? How do you make money real? Slow down. Breathe. Tune in. Relate. Learn. Digest. With your money interactions.

Try this out for me:

The next time you engage in a money transaction, consciously slow down, breathe, feel yourself in the center of your body, and notice how your body is responding to the transaction. And then share, if you want to, below.

If you can slow down enough, to begin to discover what the core of your body and soul are telling you about your money relationship, suddenly, you are in a whole new playing field, rich with the possibility and potential of a new money life.

Simple, yes. Powerful, yes.

Slow. Money. Movement. Try it out.

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Be sure to leave your Money Magic Moments and comments below.

Dana Stovern, money medium, helps business-oriented intuitives
and sensitives solve money issues from the inside out.

She can be reached at dana@somaticmoney.com

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